


Finally Safe (for me to fall)

by IndianSummer13



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Minor Angst, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:56:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndianSummer13/pseuds/IndianSummer13
Summary: For some reason, when they’re all in first grade, some of the kids are giving – and, incidentally,getting– gifts.When it’s time to go home, they form their lines according to which bus they get. That’s when John B understands. Topper and Kelce and Kiara and Sarah don’t get the same bus as him. You have to live on Figure Eight to get Valentine’s gifts, and he lives on The Cut.Across in the next line, Sarah is clutching a new My Little Pony with a purple bow tied around its neck.John B doesn’t want a My Little Pony, but he thinks it might be nice to have gottensomething.-Or, John B, Sarah and Valentine's Day through the years.
Relationships: Sarah Cameron & John B. Routledge, Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	Finally Safe (for me to fall)

**Author's Note:**

> I literally cannot get enough of these two.
> 
> Title taken from Halsey's 'Beautiful Stranger'

John B is a little over six years old when he realises kids from Figure Eight and kids from The Cut are different. He hadn’t ever known this before, because he’s always played with JJ and Pope and they were the same as him: running barefoot through the grass around the chateau, climbing trees and surfing the biggest waves they could.

For some reason, when they’re all in first grade, some of the kids are giving – and, incidentally, _getting_ – gifts.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” their teacher exclaims once everyone has taken their seats in class. John B doesn’t know what this means but he figures it’s to do with the gifts that some of the kids have. He doesn’t have a gift. Neither does Pope, nor JJ.

Perhaps his dad forgot, he decides to himself, because all of the kids with gifts have a mom at home. _He_ doesn’t have a mom at home. JJ doesn’t have a mom at home. But then he remembers Sarah Cameron doesn’t have a mom at home either. She has a Rose, and Pope… he frowns to himself. Pope _has_ a mom at home.

So maybe that’s not the reason.

When it’s time to go home, they form their lines according to which bus they get. That’s when John B understands. Topper and Kelce and Kiara and Sarah don’t get the same bus as him. You have to live on Figure Eight to get Valentine’s gifts, and he lives on The Cut.

Across in the next line, Sarah is clutching a new My Little Pony with a purple bow tied around its neck.

John B doesn’t want a My Little Pony, but he thinks it might be nice to have gotten _something_.

-

“Can we bake cookies?” Sarah asks Rose.

“It’s late,” she replies, “What on earth do you want to make cookies for?”

“For Valentine’s,” Sarah says. “Kiara is making some for Kelce and I want to make some for Topper.”

“And I want a night without you kids bothering me,” Rose replies.

There’s a soap opera on the television that Sarah recognises but doesn’t know the name of. Rose likes to watch lots of television and so does Rafe.

“So can we make cookies?” she asks again.

“I said no!” Rose tells her, but Sarah is confused because she _hadn’t_ said no.

She remembers then that there are ready-made cookies in the kitchen cabinet. She can’t reach them because they’re high up and she’s only eight, and Rafe can’t reach them either because he isn’t as tall as a grown-up, even though he’s her big brother.

Sarah carries the stool from the island and places it beside the counter. She climbs up and finds an unopened box of chocolate chip cookies on the middle shelf. Once she has it in her hand, she starts to climb down, only her foot slips and she falls off of the stool onto the tiled floor. Her arm hurts instantly and she cries out for her dad, but it’s Rose who comes running, picking her up and then saying a bad word that nobody is supposed to say.

They go to the hospital and a nice lady gives Sarah a lollipop and then wraps a bandage around her arm. By the time she gets to go home, she’s pretty tired and has forgotten about the cookies.

The next day though, when it’s too late, she remembers.

Sarah wonders whether having a mom instead of a Rose might mean she could’ve given Topper his gift.

-

“Valentine’s is for losers,” JJ laughs at him when he shows them the candy bar Ava Moss had given him on the bus.

“You’re just jealous,” Pope says.

John B’s dad has always told him he doesn’t have to have just _one_ best friend, because he has Pope _and_ JJ. Sometimes though, he thinks Pope might be a _better_ friend.

“Am not,” JJ retorts, crossing his arms. John B thinks he might be, but decides to share the candy bar between them anyway.

He wonders whether he should give Ava a piece because he hasn’t gotten her anything, but there are nine squares, and the number nine shares by three, not four. They eat the chocolate and John B is secretly happy to have gotten a gift.

He doesn’t tell anybody this.

In the school hallway, he sees Sarah Cameron and Kiara Carrera clutching heart-shaped balloons and heart-shaped boxes of candy and cut-out paper hearts that have been made into cards. He’s still proud of his little candy bar from Ava and at recess, he sneaks into the bathroom to quickly make a thank you card that he puts in her backpack.

She doesn’t ever say anything to him about it, but John B hopes she likes the careful cutting.

-

Sarah goes on her very first Valentine’s Day date in seventh grade. Topper comes to the front door and rings the bell, and her dad waves to his mom in the car. She’s embarrassed but excited and Wheezie is watching from the stairs.

Rose has let her take one of her purses to carry her things in, but Sarah isn’t quite sure what _things_ she needs. She decides to put a tampon in there because she’s seen girls do it in movies and she’s never quite sure when her period is going to finally arrive.

Topper gives her a box which is tied with a red bow and says, “Open it.”

She does, finding a necklace with a ‘T’ and an ‘S’ intertwined. Her dad helps her to put it on, and she feels proud walking to the car beside Topper Thornton.

His mom drops them off at The Wreck and leaves them to it, and Sarah suddenly feels out of place, almost like she’s pretending. She orders the crab linguine and Topper orders a steak, and they both have mocktails which come with sexual-sounding names and little paper umbrellas that she puts n her purse to remember the evening.

They are surrounded by couples who are proper grown-ups, or in high school at the very least, and she sees a few people nod in their direction; feels eyes on her while they’re sharing the banana split for dessert.

In the parking lot, Topper holds her hand and Sarah expects it to feel like there are fireworks erupting somewhere, but it doesn’t. He presses a kiss against her mouth that is a tad too wet but she moves her lips because it’s Valentine’s Day and she guesses that’s what she’s meant to do.

Without warning, he sticks his tongue in her mouth and she thinks it’s the most disgusting thing that’s ever happened to her. She pulls away and across the asphalt sees John B Routledge and his friends drinking cans of soda. They don’t see her in her pink dress with the tiny straps, and her high heels and the expensive purse loaned from Rose over her shoulder.

For some reason though, she’s embarrassed all the same.

-

There’s a tiny gas station around the block from Hayward’s. The year they all turn fifteen, it decides to sell, amongst the candy bars, cans of soda and barbeque charcoal, little bunches of flowers. John B buys one of them before he can think too much about it, takes them back to the chateau and promptly forgets to put them in a glass of water.

The following day – _Valentine’s_ Day – he meets Kie at the Boneyard and before JJ or Pope get there, he hands her the now wilted stems of tulips.

“What are these for?” she asks, making no effort to hide what he thinks might be distain.

John B shrugs. “It’s Valentine’s.”

He really isn’t sure why he bought them. He doesn’t like Kie in _that_ way – or at least, he doesn’t think he does – and now that they’re drooping in her hand he wishes he hadn’t bought them at all. She frowns and tells him not to be so fucking weird: they’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day before.

 _You used to_ , he thinks to himself, remembering the cupcakes and the stuffed animals of junior high; the boxes of chocolates and the heart-shaped balloons of elementary school. Kie used to be friends with Sarah Cameron too then, he recalls.

Things change though.

-

They’re supposed to have sex tonight. Sarah puts on the matching underwear she’s bought specially and takes a look at herself in the mirror. She wonders if lilac is the wrong colour, and whether she should’ve chosen something more obviously sexy like black or red.

Quickly, before she can worry too much about it, she pulls on her clothes: a dress she’s practised taking off without it getting caught anywhere and emphasising her hips, and a jacket that will hide the lace on her bra straps so her dad won’t see.

She stuffs the bottle of vodka from the drinks cabinet into her purse for the Boneyard party later and heads on over to Topper’s house, leaving her bike by the picket fence once she gets there.

He answers the door with a grin, and Sarah feels something she hopes isn’t dread settle in the pit of her stomach.

“My parents have already gone out,” he says, and she forces herself to smile. “You want a drink or anything? There’s wine in the fridge.”

She takes him up on his offer, not really liking the taste of chardonnay but kind of enjoying the way it makes her limbs feel a little heavier.

Topper finishes his beer pretty quickly and leans in to kiss her. Sarah relaxes into it, enjoying, for the most part, the way his lips move against hers. She remembers a time when she wasn’t that into kissing either, so she’s hopeful her feelings towards sex will change soon.

 _It only hurts for a bit_ , Hannah Grace had told her in the line for lunch, _and then it’s pretty fucking awesome._

They don’t get to the sex.

Topper takes her dress off and she unbuttons his shirt so that they’re both naked (or there abouts) from the waist up. She wants to want it but crucially, she _doesn’t_ want it, and when he makes to pull off her panties, Sarah rolls out from under him.

“I’m sorry,” she says, even though she knows she doesn’t have to apologise.

“It’s fine.”

His tone doesn’t match his words and they both redress without saying anything more. They go to the party instead, earlier than anticipated, and just before she climbs out of the car, Topper says, quietly,

“I love you, you know?”

She doesn’t doubt it, and she wants to love him back. Again though, she doesn’t think she does.

-

Valentine’s Day to John B has meant literally _nothing_ since the candy bar from Ava someone-or-other (he’s forgotten her last name) back in elementary school.

This year is no different, and the day pretty much passes him by entirely as days do when he’s out in the ocean catching fish to be served at any one of Nassau’s premier seafood restaurants. In fact, the date has no relevance at all until he opens the apartment door to find Sarah wearing only his t-shirt and her underwear, holding a 6-pack of beer tied with a red ribbon.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she says, handing him the beer before kissing him in that way she has of making his mouth water. 

“Shit, I had no idea,” he replies honestly, free hand settling at her waist of its own accord. It’s their first Valentine’s together and he’s forgotten. Or, not forgotten, just… not known. “I’m so sorry, and you look fucking _amazing._ I should’ve-”

She laughs, cutting him off with another kiss. “I don’t care. I love you, you idiot.”

It’s the first time she’s said it. The first time _either_ of them has said it. He grins and kisses her back. “I love you too.”

They fuck on the kitchen counter and drink the beer in bed.

-

Both of them start work early in the morning. It’s never _too_ hard, not when the weather is mostly glorious and the early starts mean a relatively early finish.

John B is taking her out tonight: a rare splurge they can barely afford but they’ve been saving because there’s a new restaurant in town they’ve both been wanting to visit.

And yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day.

She puts on a dress, doing her makeup in their bedroom while he showers, and Sarah thinks back to the last time she went to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day.

She’d seen John B in the parking lot and although she hadn’t realised it at the time, that had been the start of something.

Of them, she guesses.

“Wow,” he says, eyes sparkling as he takes her in, reaching his hands out to stroke the material of the dress clinging to her body. “You look incredible.”

She blushes because even now, a year and a half later, he still makes her feel giddy. “You look pretty good too.”

 _Good_ is an understatement, she figures, because he’s tan and toned and utterly _gorgeous_.

They head to the restaurant and order their steak and lobster (half each) the fries and the wine that makes her a little handsy in public, and they have the most perfect evening.

“Just so you know,” John B says, digging his spoon into the chocolate brownie they order for dessert. “I’m planning on marrying you someday, Sarah Cameron.”

She doesn’t know what to say. Just hopes that _someday_ means someday _soon_.

-

The following year, Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday. It’s their only full day off together during the week and it begins with Sarah lying naked beneath him, the early morning sun spilling through the drapes.

She’s nothing short of perfect.

“I got you something,” she tells him, craning her neck so he’ll kiss her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She shuffles out from under him and John B hears himself whine. She laughs, pearly whites on show and eyes crinkling at the corners, and he genuinely doesn’t think it’s possible that he could love her any more.

And then she hands him the little gift bag. “I know it’s not the original,” she says softly. “But it reminded me of… well, you’ll see.”

He kisses her first and then lifts off the little square of red tissue paper. There’s a jewellery box, large and flat, and he looks at her quizzically before lifting it out of the bag.

His first thought is that it’s a watch, but when he opens it, John B sees the chain and he knows. He opens the compass and sees, inscribed on the underside of its lid,

_Without you, I’d be lost._

“Just in case,” Sarah says, snuggling against him.

They both know her fear of him getting lost at sea is irrational, but it doesn’t stop her from worrying.

“I love you,” he tells her, kissing her several times until she pulls away with a now tentative smile on her face.

“There’s something else,” she says, and hands him a small, thin box. Inside of it lays a pregnancy test.

“I know we didn’t plan on it,” she says, lip trapped between her teeth. “But… we didn’t _not_ plan on it either.”

It’s positive.

-

“It’s Valentine’s Day, and I don’t even get a look in!” she mock-huffs, watching John B rocks their baby girl to sleep.

“Course you do,” he says, eyes firmly on their daughter. “It’s just, now I have two valentines.”

“Hmm,” Sarah replies, although it’s tough to put up an argument when this little family of hers is absolutely everything she’s ever wanted. He finally looks up, grinning at her as he cocks his head so she’ll come closer.

“We’re gonna have to have a son so he can be a mama’s boy,” she laughs.

John B looks up at her with glassy eyes. “Are you serious?”

“About him being a mama’s boy?”

“About having another.”

She slides against his lap, gently squeezing one of Matilda’s tiny feet. “Well this one’s pretty cool,” she says. “And I’d like her to have someone to play with.”

Later, they make love in their bed with the windows open and the sound of the water lapping the sand in the distance. She doesn’t get pregnant that night, but a little over three weeks later she does.

Bodhi Routledge is given two middle names: the first in honour of his grandfather and the second in honour of St Valentine.

He is, much to Sarah’s delight, a mama’s boy.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always greatly appreciated.


End file.
